As we meet with Jessica’s counselor each week, I’ve had a number of AH HA moments. It’s as if we have spent many years of parenting trying to put together a puzzle, but no matter how hard we tried and how much we asked for help, the pieces just didn’t fit. It was confusing, frustrating and very lonely. . . until the last three months. We are beginning to understand the pieces and how they fit together and it’s as though we are beginning to see the picture. Her behaviors are making sense!
Each time I feel light has been shed on her behaviors, I am left feeling sad, even deeply grieved. She has been sick for so long. She has become a master at hiding the trauma (except from us). I suppose that has been a coping mechanism. She told us prior to House of Hope that she is tired of living a lie. She lived her whole life trying to pretend everything was ok. You can only do that for so long before your life crashes around you. I’m thankful she has such an amazing counselor and staff that can help her work through the trauma and related behaviors.
I know this is going to be a long road. It’s going to take time to figure out all the pieces and how they fit together. There is much healing that needs to take place. There is a whole new way of thinking and seeing the world for her to discover.
I have much hope that ultimately the big picture is going to be very beautiful. . .a true work of art.